Muse

     As the hours ticked away, he continued to sit alone in his chair. It was yet another cold day outside but within his basement, he sat with a big smile on his face. His thoughts jumped between the present and the past every now and then. The tiny earphones lodged within his earlobes innocently continued to play music which somehow magically seemed to rhyme with his thoughts. 

     The hours ticked away, but he took no notice of time. Within his own world, time had stopped still. In his world, time was a conspiracy theory that had been propounded to keep people from experiencing freedom. But, none of that affected him now. In his own world he was happy, so happy that it seemed like the very purpose of his existence seemed to have been satiated.

     As the hours ticked away, his eyes wandered aimlessly. Unfocused they danced around every corner of space that lay ahead of him. They momentarily rested upon the very thing that had put him in such a state of mind. His muse. Within his world, as the seasons drifted by, the poet within him painted the skies with ballads of falling leaves, grey clouds and drops of floating rain.

     The hours ticked away, but he sunk deeper into pensive waters. There was a lot he wished to tell and lot more he wished to ask. His muse lifted him high over the azure skies, dove low through silent trenches and lifted him high only to dive back again. Like many of the interesting things in the world, his muse made his life complicated yet simple. Each day a lesson in patience.

     As the hours ticked away, he continued to smile. His head lacked logical reasons, but his heart didn't care to search for one. Unfettered by his muse, this ephemeral moment would remain etched deep in his memory. As for the mysteries of tomorrow, his only wish is to be pleasantly surprised by them. As for today, his wish is to understand the enigma he beheld. His muse.

Surreal Happiness

I see you from the corner of my eye.

And drift into an inward smile.

I wonder about your thoughts,

And the infinite possibilities leave me lost.

Like a harmless invisible shadow,

From the reflections of the window;

Another quiet glimpse I steal,

As I paint pictures of how you truly feel.

A heart bereft of simple joy.

Glued together like a broken toy.

In search of human compassion,

Does it exist or is it another naive illusion?

Your mind riddled with fears,

A placid face to hide the tears.

Slowly letting go your dreams.

Faith withering away like autumn leaves.

Incomplete is your pallid canvas,

A shade of grey devoid of happiness.

Let go of any grand illusions,

Of change in someone else’s actions.

In little things I have found reason,

To burgeon hope through every season.

Freedom, you will truly feel,

Follow me to find such happiness, surreal.

Oceanbed

Silent is the world that surrounds me,

Darkness is the only light around me.

Serene is the water within these trenches,

Home for the ship wrecked and lost.

Forgotten souls rest in this bottomless abyss,

Sunk to this depth by turbulent tides.

A faint glimmer from far overhead,

Fills me with dreams and hopes.

I swim away from this oceanbed,

To escape this lonely world I dread.

Silent is the world that surrounds me,

Darkness is the only light around me.

I see the light from afar getting brighter,

The weight of water on me now is lighter.

Then appeared the fruit of this journey,

The existence of another being like me.

All is beautiful, all is bright,

The limitless infinity within my sight.

The shackles broken to free my soul,

The oceanbed, a dim memory of a hole.

Dreams of the surface surrounds me.
Shafts of light dance around me.
Peaceful is the world that surrounds me
When I have you around me.

Musing in a Far-Away-Land

    Its been quite an interesting month. This country is truly the 'other-side' of the coin. The stark contrast in the way people live here and the way people live back home is very obvious. Besides the cultural differences, new food and freedom, what is really interesting is the way different people embrace these changes. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the changes in life. 

Some are just meant to be in the country. 

Some don't really care too much about the changes. They accept the changes they like.

Some just hate this place. 

There are some who try and change so fast that it would make your head spin and wonder if you are looking and talking to the same shy confused person you met a month back. Stuck in-between, they neither fit in with the Americans nor properly adhere to their original identity.

Then again there are some who just try to make the best of it and try and explore different things (or at least plan to try different things :) ) 

    In the last one month, I have always felt out of place here and that all the niceness is just skin deep. First most striking incident to me was my first trip to WalMart. As I stood in the toothpaste section and gaped at 20+ different variety of toothpastes from Colgate alone, the only thought that occurred to me was that this country has too many options. Every bit of your life can be customized to the utmost excruciating detail. From the amount of milk in your coffee to the amount of jalapeños in your burrito, everything is customizable. Life is filled with too many options and driven by money. The end result is that everyone's life is customized to the minutest detail. Compromise is a word thats almost unknown are poorly understood. In such a world its but obvious that an outsider would feel that the society is cold. On the bright side, even an outsider here has the freedom to chose, design and live the life of his/her choice. The concept of liberty and freedom are definitely different and from my little experience here, I can understand why people (women especially) like the freedom in this country. Keeping aside my opinions and speculations about this country and the people here, a few things I've realized over time make a lot more sense to me now than before coming to this country...

a) Financial crunches come and go.

b) Life without challenges is like a cake with no icing, you're bound to get bored of it.

c) Dreams always seem to fade and even start to appear meaningless when faced by hurdles. The illusion called 'easy life' becomes monotony, boredom and meaningless without dreams.

d) Materialistic desires and wanting an easy life is very different, the former stems out of ambitious thinking and the latter out of laziness.

e) The way i see it, a (fortunate) few have learnt more about the value of what one had back home during their stay here than they ever would in their entire life if they had not come to this country.

f) Liking or disliking something is just a feeling, quite useless if you ask me. What you learn from every experience, both good and bad, is what counts. One month is too little a time to like or dislike a new country. Its too little a time to explore enough to form an opinion. Its too little a time to conclude that you have experienced enough.

g) Change is the essence of life, embrace it!

Trains

Shifting landscapes,

Crimson stain in the deep blue skies.

Drifting angular shapes;

Paint my thoughts as the time flies.

Distant designs move ahead,

While I leave the shapes nearby behind.

Music of the train bed,

Playing to the silent voices in my mind.

A journey from the future into the past;

I wish you could make this dream last.

Trains keep on whistling by in the lonely night sky;

The lights shine bright.

I close my eyes and I'm with you.

A journey from the future into the past;

I wish you could make this dream last.

Strangers

She drove like a queen down these empty streets,

A blurry shadow on the tarmac.

Her hair flowed in the winter breeze,

Her eyes darker than black.

Retro music played on her radio,

Speeding down a narrow lane.

It was time for the midnight show,

And it began to rain…

He wishes he’d seen the warning signs,

It would never be the same.

Oh, how much he regrets his mistakes,

Everything changes with time.

He walked down the narrow lane,

Hands in his pockets.

Closed his eyes as it began to rain,

To ease his heart ache.

The sound of a car woke him up,

Retro music playing.

Flashing lights came towards a stop,

He saw her smiling.

She saw a man walking all alone,

She stopped her radio.

She said ‘Let me give you a ride home,

Its time for the midnight show!’

Möbius Trip

1. Can You Add Colour To These Lies…?

Silent rain, a smiling face
Beady eyes, the dreams inside
Safe beneath this ignorance;
Your lies, my sacred bliss.

When life is in shades of grey,
Can you add colour to these lies.
When truth is making believe,
Can you add colour to these lies.

Fallen leaves, an old memory
A shaft of light, the voice inside
Safe beneath my own shadow,
Here lies, my sacred bliss.

When fate is a song unwritten,
Can you add colour to these lies.
When love is the scream unheard,
Can you add colour to these lies.

2. Alone In A Crowd

A broken mirror sits in a corner, reflecting memories.

A shaft of light illuminates these walls surrounding me.

Everyday is just the same, such a cruel monotony.

Unaware of what was missing in my strange reality.

Suddenly the world stopped moving,

Everyone just stood still.

A change of heart, a new beginning shall set us free.

Will the boy ever find his joy, be happy for all eternity?

Suddenly the world stopped moving,

Everyone just stood still.

All the promises were broken,

But everything just stood still.

Feeling alone in a crowd,

No one to hear me shout.

All the promises were broken,

But everyone just stood still.

3. Blind Clairvoyance

Running through the grey fields,
A little girl, her little dream,
Clouds drift in shimmering light,
Swaying thoughts, waning sight.
The comfort of home, forgotten.
Hope for the future, forsaken.

Weld together the shards of this broken soul.
Watch the pieces fit to leave behind a hole.
When sad songs seem so happy,
When happy songs feel so sad.
Wallow in the dead cells outside,
Let the ones alive atrophy within.

The boy who found joy
Lost his smile in a short while,
Not 'cos he lost joy;
He was just another stupid, confused boy.
In all these dissonant thoughts there lies
A blind clairvoyance within, his guiding light.

4. Claustrophobic

Anxious asphyxiation.
Restless confusion.
Memories haunt endlessly
Trapped within these walls helplessly.

The air gets thinner,
My chances of escape slimmer.
Fear burgeoning into hopelessness
Leaving behind this insatiable emptiness.

Wish I could get out, run away.
Wish I could leave, stay away.
Save myself from these lucid dreams,
Where the silence hides my screams.

An eternal night.
Panic blinding my sight.
The unforgiving darkness,
Be my absolution, my deliverance.

5. The Fixer

Broken shards strewn across the floor
A crimson stain on the jagged wall.
Another scar on this trembling hand,
Darkness come save us all!

A putrid craving uncontained within
Slowly sapping the colour away.
Hold on to the withering arm of,
Mr. Fixer, come lead the way.

A callow slave soon fettered
For all of life and death as well.
Evil lurking in every breath,
Shards of a broken soul you sell.

Soon the insatiable demon returns,
Another scar, a crimson stain.
Hold on to the withering arm of,
Mr. Fixer, to fix you again.

 6. Home

When you feel tired of searching for answers.
When you think that you've lost your way.
When you feel weak, to fight this battle.
And your beliefs gone astray.
When you feel like you've been kept in the dark.
And hope seems to fade away.

Questions to ask, about the past.
Does she have the answers?
You open your mouth, but no words come out,
And tell her about your fear;
'To wake up alone, feel like a stone
And find her nowhere near.'

You feel her hope surround you.
She's always your guiding light.
And deep in your heart, all fears torn apart,
You find the will to fight.
At the end of your day,
Doesn't matter you win or loose,
'Coz you know, you'll find your way back home.

  

7. Analysis Paralysis/End of Rumination

When I think back, I wonder,

What are these things that I fear?

Thoughts in my mind, rendered me blind,

Defeat always seems so near.

When I think back, I wonder,

Did my search take me any further?

Lost in these thought, answers I sought,

To questions from the future.

When I think back, I wonder,

Did I ever live in this moment?

Regretting the past, that things never last,

And remain the same forever.

When I think back, I wonder,

What are these voices that I hear?

Screaming in pain, hopelessly vain,

Made my will disappear.

This is the end of my search for perfection.

This is the end of my illusion.

This is the end of my search for perfection.

This is the end of rumination.

  

8. Goodbye

A lonely lamp casts a deep shadow behind me.  

I take one last glimpse at this city as I bid goodbye.

As I walk away, my memories light my way.

As I walk away, a part of me will continue to stay.

Why doesn’t time slow down,

Let happy moments last a little longer.

Why doesn’t time speed up,

And let the sad ones pass by quicker.

All the best moments lie buried in these streets.

Like a fairytale where we were all careless and free.

As I walk away, my memories light my way.

As I walk away, a part of me will continue to stay.

As this Möbius Trip comes to an end,

I bid farewell to you my friend.

Our paths might separate and never meet again.

But no matter where you are,

And no matter where you go,

Remember that I will remember you until the end.

As I walk away, my memories light my way.

As I walk away, a part of me will continue to stay. 

Sanguinary Dream

Eternal darkness
Shadows laughing at me
Awaken incubus
The demons surround me

A perfect betrayal
All but me slain
Bleeding Earth
Scarred with a crimson stain

Sacred saringan
The eye of the future
Harbinger of doom
Welcome to my sanguinary dream

Claustrophobic

Anxious asphyxiation.
Restless confusion.
Memories haunt endlessly
Trapped within these walls helplessly.

The air gets thinner,
My chances of escape slimmer.
Fear burgeoning into hopelessness
Leaving behind this insatiable emptiness.

Wish I could get out, run away.
Wish I could leave, stay away.
Save myself from these lucid dreams,
Where the silence hides my screams.

An eternal night.
Panic blinding my sight.
The unforgiving darkness,
Be my absolution, my deliverance.

Blind Clairvoyance

Running through the grey fields,
A little girl, her little dream,
Clouds drift in shimmering light,
Swaying thoughts, waning sight.
The comfort of home, forgotten.
Hope for the future, forsaken.

Weld together the shards of this broken soul.
Watch the pieces fit to leave behind a hole.
When sad songs seem so happy,
When happy songs feel so sad.
Wallow in the dead cells outside,
Let the ones alive atrophy within.

The boy who found joy
Lost his smile in a short while,
Not 'cos he lost joy;
He was just another stupid, confused boy.
In all these dissonant thoughts there lies
A blind clairvoyance within, his guiding light.

Rain

Rain and respite,
The sun nowhere in sight.

Wind making sounds
Like a pack of hungry hounds.

The sky a blue blur,
Lightening and the loud thunder.

The endless drone
Of water dancing on stone.

Birds chirping near,
Singing, 'heaven is right here.'

Arrive the rain,
To wash away the earth's pain.

Washed Ashore

Sitting on the shore, I see sinking ships and I wonder; 'Is it better to be a sinking ship than to be the vicarious observer.' Well, for now I will remain as an observer. 

Everyone around me seems to build themselves a ship and set sail into the ocean to reach their destinations. Some with very opulent ships, some with economic motorized ships and some have sailing ships. Others like me are ashore speculating what to do....

For the case of ships complete with all essential parts functioning: 

Some, generally in opulent or motorized ships, seem to not care for the ocean. Be it stormy, windy or clear skies, against all tides and current they set off without any second thoughts. Some of the motorized ships are better planned. They partially try and use the tides and other forces of nature to assist them. The sailing ships are generally the ones whose journeys are best planned. Every step they take is very carefully calculated to find the most efficient way to reach their destination. 

I see that some of the very opulent ships make it despite barging straight into the ocean all thanks to their state of the art technology. Most others who blindly barge in are not that fortunate. They encounter very rough sea and quickly learn to respect the ocean, or they suffer irreparable damages. The motorized ships which are well planned seem to do much better than their ill planned counterparts. But here too, sometimes nature's unpredictable forces put the ships to test. The sailing ships are at their best only when they go along with the ocean and not against it. If they are ever so slightly careless, nature's forces runs them around in circles. 

All this are for ships that have been completely built, but for most other cases, I see that people in a hurry set sail with incomplete ships. 

For the case of incomplete ships: 

Many times, not until the very last moment before experiencing nature's fury do people realize what their ships are lacking. Most common fault is that they forget to attach a rudder or carry a compass. Hence they are just pushed around aimlessly by the ocean. In other cases, the ships themselves are not built carefully; hence a little rough sea is enough to sink the ship. Some ships may start complete but due to misguided sailing they break their rudders or motors/sails during their journey. In all probability these ships sink. The owner sinks along with it or cries out for help.

As for me, I just sit ashore looking at other people washed ashore, who have failed to cross the ocean and wonder, 'Is it better to be a sinking ship than to be the vicarious observer.' But this time I take my chances and set sail on my sailing ship.

To make sense of what I see. Think of the ocean as life, the endless waves as time. The ships people set sail on are all the relationships and bonds we hold with our friends and enemies. The rough weather, tides and the current are the challenges we face in life. Opulent ships are ones where money defines most of the equations in life. Motorized ships are ones where opinions of the crowd, the time-tested options, define the equations in life. The sailing ships are ones where at every point the equations in life are dynamic. How people build their ships, how they use them as well as their method of dealing with the ocean defines their path and how far they reach.

It is no use to hurry and set off without a compass (without a destination) or a rudder (without a direction) or start off well but on the way damage your rudder (lose focus and motivation). It is of no use to contemplate about how good this shore is, compared to what lies beyond the ocean and hence decide to lead a vicarious life seeing other ships sink or swim. After all, the ocean exists for us to explore!

The Fixer

Broken shards strewn across the floor
A crimson stain on the jagged wall.
Another scar on this trembling hand,
Darkness come save us all!

A putrid craving uncontained within
Slowly sapping the colour away.
Hold on to the withering arm of,
Mr. Fixer, come lead the way.

A callow slave soon fettered
For all of life and death as well.
Evil lurking in every breath,
Shards of a broken soul you sell.

Soon the insatiable demon returns,
Another scar, a crimson stain.
Hold on to the withering arm of,
Mr. Fixer, to fix you again.

Can You Add Colour To These Lies….

Silent rain, a smiling face
Beady eyes, the dreams inside
Safe beneath this ignorance,
Your lies, my sacred bliss.

When life is in shades of grey,
Can you add colour to these lies.
When truth is making believe,
Can you add colour to these lies.

Fallen leaves, an old memory
A shaft of light, the voice inside
Safe beneath my own shadow,
Here lies, my sacred bliss.

When fate is a song unwritten,
Can you add colour to these lies.
When love is the scream unheard,
Can you add colour to these lies.

Home

When you feel tired of searching for answers.
When you think that you've lost your way.
When you feel weak, to fight this battle.
And your beliefs gone astray.
When you feel like you've been kept in the dark.
And hope seems to fade away.

Questions to ask, about the past.
Does she have the answers?
You open your mouth, but no words come out,
And tell her about your fear;
'To wake up alone, feel like a stone
And find her nowhere near.'

You feel her hope surround you.
She's always your guiding light.
And deep in your heart, all fears torn apart,
You find the will to fight.
At the end of your day,
Doesn't matter you win or loose,
'Coz you know, you'll find your way back home.