Intersecting Paths

Ashvin checked his watch again. It was five minutes past eight on a sunny December morning when his phone silently buzzed in his pocket.
"Hello"
"Dude, I reached the flyover, tell me where to go now." Shouting over the sounds of engines and horns, it was Krishna on the phone.
"Just go over the flyover. Once you get off it, park in the first free spot you find on the left."
"Alright. See you in a bit."
    Ashvin heard the phone go silent and his mind slowly drifted back to the first time he had met Krishna. Their paths were going in diametrically opposite directions and just happened to cross at the research center where Ashvin was working on his undergraduate thesis and Krishna, who had by then obtained a Masters degree in the USA, joined to do his PhD. Though their paths were seemingly at odds, in almost no time they had become good friends. Soon Ashvin left for graduate studies in the USA, but they had managed to kept in touch. It had been a year and a half since Ashvin left and now he was back home for vacations. Back home..
His mind drifted back to the sounds of roaring engines and unforgiving horns. Skirting around the traffic, he slowly made his way to the meeting location- S.L.V. Corner, Ashvin's favourite breakfast place in town.
     By the time Ashvin got across all the traffic, he managed to spot Krishna and waved at him.
As they made their way, Ashvin noticed that Krishna's sense of style or the lack of it hadn't changed since he had left. He wore a bright blue shirt with aeroplanes painted all over it.
Smiling at his shirt, Ashvin said "Nice shirt!"
Obviously not catching the sarcasm, Krishna said "Thank you! It's been a while, how have you been?"
"I'm good man, how about you? How have things been going at The Pit?" Ashvin was the one to come up with the name 'The Pit' for the research center since it was quite small and was constructed over marshy land, metaphorically lending to the already sinking feeling one would get in small research environments.
Krishna, who had taken an instantaneous liking towards the nickname, said "Same old, same old. You know how it is. If I don't get out often, I start to forget that there actually exists a real world outside."
     They entered the fast food place and sat down. "So what's good here? I haven't eaten in a place like this for quite a while."
"My personal favourite is the Kharabath and Vada. You can give the Dosas a shot too" replied Ashvin.
After much deliberation, Krishna decided that he would start with Idlis while Ashvin went with his favourites.
"So.... how has your trip been so far?"
"Good. It's been really nice too meet with all my friends and get away from the snow for a while." After pausing to drink some water, Ashvin continued "So how are things for you? How is your PhD coming along?"
"I have had much better times, but it's fine now. There have been some internal politics and sometimes students are the ones to get affected."
"What politics? I thought The Pit was quite above all that. Considering that each department was so small, why should people have problems?"
"I thought so too, but I guess since its small, all tiny things escalate to ridiculous levels."
Ashvin pondered for a moment, "You know what, that makes sense. Remember Sunny?"
Laughing aloud, "Sunny was one strange guy. He managed to blow tiny fights out of proportions. Ah crap man! It's too tiny for my liking. I barely get along with people these days."
Krishna paused as the food arrived and dove into it without a second thought. After a few greedy bites, he said "By the way, you know that the Chair quit right?"
Ashvin dropped his spoon and said, a little too loudly, "What!? Quit? I thought it was a term based, 2 years or something like that. But you say she quit!"
"Oh you didn't know! Internal politics. Most people have a problem with each other now and the Chair took the nail for no fault of her's"
"But why!?"
As he took another big bite, Krishna said "Ah, long story. I'll tell you the gist. It's a fight between liberty and equality." As Krishna paused to swallow, Ashvin smiled on the inside and thought So he hasn't changed on the 'America has liberty and dream it, do it attitude' either!
"There were some new students joining in last year. While some wanted the students to be distributed equally amongst the researchers, the Chair just wanted to give the choice to the students themselves. Though the rules were on her side, the Chair ended up quitting. Nobody obviously knows the exact details, but I guess that's about what happened."
Ashvin's thoughts drifted back to the Chair, his mentor. She quit... what has the world come to? She was his inspiration and the cruel reality was that politics and ego battles in the scientific community had troubled even the best. Sigh... so that's how it really went down...
Noticing Ashvin's sudden silence, Krishna inquired, "What happened?"
"Nothing.... I think I just felt my bubble burst."
Clearly amused, Krishna said "Bubble? Don't tell me you thought things were going to be all rosy and sweet. Even in the USA, such things happen. Only difference is that the Universities are so big that such incidents get diffused off. In small places they can end up being blown out of proportion."
"No... No I didn't think everything would be smooth sailing. But, I guess I had always hoped that with knowledge comes wisdom."
"With knowledge comes ego... and a lot of it"
A smile crept across Ashvin's face, "That is so true. Maybe I shouldn't make the mistake of treating scientists any different."
"Exactly!" Seeing that his Idlis were over, Krishna slowly spooned out some of Ashvin's Kharabath. He ordered a Dosa this time while Ashvin did a repeat on his initial order.
"So, Ashvin... it's been a year and half now. How do you find it there? Do You like it?"
"Academically, yes. It's been a great learning experience. As for a social life or the lack of one, I guess it is all about finding some balance. As I have told you before, I have managed to make a few geographic or intellectual friends which I guess is the most one can ask for." Ashvin shot a quick smile at Krishna and said "I have managed to travel quite a bit though, so all's good!"
After a moment of thoughtful silence, Krishna said "It's strange how though we are generally quite similar in our views, our experiences have been diametrically opposite. Till date, I refer to Texas as my real home and that I will return back, someday."
Krishna had said that many times before, but Ashvin never had asked why. He had always assumed that Krishna's liking towards USA was mostly because of the freedom he had as compared to The Pit.
"Why? Is it mainly because you find The Pit too annoying?"
"No... Not at all! I chose to come to The Pit because I wanted to work with one of the best. Period. It's more to do with the life I had. I had a life in Texas, I don't any more."
"What about the twenty odd years before that?"
Smiling widely, Krishna said "Sounds strange doesn't it? How could a place become my home just after twenty odd months when I had a home for twenty odd years before that? The thing was, I never had a life before Texas. Those twenty odd years slipped through my fingers while I studied for exams or played video-games"
Ashvin was visibly confused now, "So you feel you didn't have a life because you had to go through the Indian education grind? Or was it because you didn't have many friends and spent a little too much time alone with video games?"
Krishna burst out laughing at that. "Oh God no! Wait, let me explain it. It has more to do with the lack of freedom to dream. To express those dreams and to pursue them."
Krishna paused to order another Dosa while Ashvin decided that he was done for the morning.
As the waiter scurried off to get another Plain Dosa, Krishna continued "I know it sounds a little strange. In all those twenty years, I had no real freedom to be honest; and I consider keeping quiet when someone says something you don't agree with as being dishonest. I was never allowed to express my dreams; more often than not, ambition is mistaken to be arrogance. When I went to Texas, I just instantly felt at home. Honesty and integrity were given a top priority. Dreaming big and pursuing those dreams was encouraged while back home following the crowd was the right way to go about life. I do not talk for all of USA, it's a big place and things vary a lot as you travel across it. But, I really felt like I belonged there; I felt like I had a life."
Ashvin took a few pensive moments before saying anything. "Hmmm.... I guess now that I have actually seen the other side; I can say with experience that I don't completely agree with you. Even in the USA, you cannot always go around telling people what you think or dream. That's a recipe for disaster. I agree that it would be a bigger recipe for disaster here in India than probably in the USA."
"As I said, I speak for Texas and not all of USA."
"Okay.... I don't know about Texas. But, I had a life in India. In fact, I had one in school which I traded for the one I had in college. But now, I am just a stranger in a strange land. I know deep down that I will never belong there, never really feel a part of anything. It's not some random occurrence of racist comments that I refer to. I am talking about the ties that bind us; the ties that make us who we are."
Krishna had gobbled up his Dosa. Noticing that, Ashvin smiled and said "Want another?"
"No, I think I had enough. I'll get a coffee, what about you?"
"No coffee for me." Ashvin asked the waiter for the bill.
As the waiter left, Krishna said "My experience was really good. The first few friends I made there turned out to be my best friends. But here, I am still trying to just get along." Krishna paused for a moment as the waiter put down the coffee. Staring somewhere into the distance he continued "It's really strange how our experiences have been so different. I, a master's student from USA who loved the life back there, left it to come here and do a PhD. You, who had a life here, left it to pursue grad. studies in the USA."
Nodding, Ashvin said, "You are right, we have had very different experiences. You experienced the freedom that USA gave you and felt you could achieve a hell lot with it. I agree with you; there definitely is a lot more freedom there to express your views and pursue your dreams without people judging you. I feel I have lost a lot by leaving this country. Maybe a lot of people don't feel that way or never realise it. At the end of it all, things balance out don't they?"
A curious smile spread on Krishna's face, "Don't we all love to believe that they do?"
   The waiter returned with the bill. As Ashvin opened up his wallet, Krishna said "It's my turn this time. You paid the last time we ate out."
"Man! You are trying to get off cheap aren't you?"
Chuckling, Krishna said "I am a grad. student in India. I am allowed to do so."
  As they left, Ashvin said "You know what, it was really nice to meet you. I don't think either of us have changed one bit."
"I don't quite agree on that. I think you have changed."
Surprised, Ashvin said, "Oh really? How so?"
"You said 'it was nice to meet you'. The american small talk which you so fondly think as superficial has caught onto you."
Ashvin laughed and bid goodbye.
As they parted, they drifted away into the noisy world outside in opposite directions.

Strangers In An Airport

"Sir... What is your final destination?", the woman asked again in a polite dispassionate tone.

When he finally managed to snap out of his reverie, he said "Bangalore, India".

"Do you have a transit visa?"

The woman was dressed in a blue suit and wore a matching scarf around her neck. Her blue eyes accentuated her sharp features which were drawn together into a confused frown.

"Sir... Sir... Mr. umm.. Moothe do you have a transit visa?", she was now visibly annoyed.

"No... No I don't. I'm sorry, I just..." Though by now he had grown used to people mispronouncing his name as Ash-win Moothe instead of Ashvin Murthy, he was still annoyed that his surname now meant mouth in Kannada. He started to explain why he seemed to be lost in a day dream when she cut him short.

"Your boarding pass says that you need one."

"I thought I don't need one since I am heading to India," he explained.

"Let me have a look..." She started keying in something on her keyboard. After a minute or so her expression resumed its original dispassionate form which closely matched her voice.

"Okay.. it looks like you do not need a transit visa. I am printing out your new boarding passes."

She handed him his boarding passes and flashed a practiced smile as she said "You're good to go."

"Thank you"

Glad to have just a small carry-on bag with him, he set off to the next ordeal: security check. The prospect of having to remove his belt and hold his trousers in place from falling to the ground did little to brighten him.

Maybe I should either buy clothes of the right size or grow fatter to avoid holding up my trousers like an idiot... sigh!

He eyed the boarding passes once again just to make sure that it was in order. He let out an inaudible groan when he saw the long line of people stripping off their jackets, shoes, belts and any object made out of metal and slowly trudging through the detectors.

Well, it's for our own security. A little embarrassment shouldn't hurt.

It took him nearly 30 minutes to get to the other side of the detectors. He slowly trudged along and made his way towards gate B24. As always he glanced through all the shops as he walked past them.

Hmm.. two coffee shops, one of them looked like an expensive cafe; three liquor stores parading as chocolate shops on the outside, two apparel stores selling t-shirts with quirky captions, a high-end expensive hand bag shop and a bar which looked like it had been lifted out of a tropical island.

He always wondered who in their right mind would ever buy a Mont Blanc watch in an airport. The entire showroom must be just an expensive advertisement. I guess being a sales representative here is probably the easiest and the most boring job in an airport.

When he finally reached the gate, he checked the LED display to ensure that he still had a couple of hours before boarding the flight. After he felt that the display had nothing more interesting to offer he scanned the chairs to find an empty one in the corner by the window. He slowly made his way, skirting around a baby trolley and the out-stretched legs of a man in a grey hoodie who seemed to be peacefully asleep, and settled down by the window. It was nearly a half past nine on a rather gloomy winter morning. The sun was trying hard to peek through the narrow gaps between the clouds every now and then. His eyes settled down on a small truck that was trying to unload something from an aircraft. Something he saw in the truck prompted him to remember the woman in blue.

What was her name.... hmm... Kelly I think. He smiled as he thought; She must have been quite annoyed with me just lost in my own world while she was trying to fix my transit visa issues.

He closed his eyes and soon his thoughts drifted to what his mind was originally preoccupied with. A girl.

When he opened his eyes, to his surprise he saw shafts of sunlight illuminating the nascent snowfall outside. It had not been cold enough that morning and yet it was snowing. It looked so surreal that he let out an almost inaudible "Woah!"

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Ashvin was surprised to find the man in the grey hoodie standing next to him transfixed at the sight outside.

The man shot a quick glance at him and said, "It didn't look like it would snow today." Noticing his startled expression, the man quickly added "My name is Aditya."

"My name is Ashvin."

On closer observation, Ashvin noticed that the man who had introduced himself as Aditya was clean shaved, gaunt, had a thick furry brow and a thin receding hairline. If he grew a thick mustache, he would have had a striking resemblance with a popular Kannada movie actor whose name seemed to just elude him at the moment. He almost unconsciously smiled imagining the mustache.

"Where are you heading?"

Aditya let out an audible sigh as he said "Home... India", especially emphasizing on the word Home in a slightly South-Indian accent. Once again the mustached Kannada movie actor popped up in Ashvin's mind.

Controlling his urge to smile again, he said "Sounds like you aren't too keen on going back."

"That's not the case, I am usually happy going home..." again emphasizing on the word usually, almost making it obvious that he wanted Ashvin to ask why. 

Deciding to play along, Ashvin said "Usually...?"

Like an overly enthusiastic actor eager to say his dialogue in a play, Aditya at once said "Ah! Well... this time when I go home, I am supposed to select a girl for marriage."

He looks like he is in his mid-twenties too. For a few moments Ashvin remained silent, again drifting away. He finally said "Marriage... do you have a problem with arranged marriage?"

Aditya scowled as he said, "It's not that I have a problem with arranged marriage. No, let me rephrase that. It's not just the arranged part that I have a problem with."

Ashvin noted that for a very normal, unremarkable guy; Aditya's obvious distaste for marriage was not ordinary. His frown said a lot more than his otherwise calm voice.

Ashvin politely inquired, "And why is it such a problem for you?"

"I have been given five 'options' by my parents; the set of girls they shortlisted based on their own criteria. Now I have to answer the biggest MCQ of my life by picking one out of the five options based on a few cups of filter coffee and a few awkward conversations. Couldn't they just make it a little fairer for me and throw in a 'none of the above' option!?" He suddenly burst out laughing aloud at his own joke.

Aware of the eyes watching them, Ashvin quickly glanced at his watch. Still another hour to go before boarding the flight. Coffee would be a good excuse to get away from here for a while. "Would you like to get some coffee?"

"Sure." Checking his watch, Aditya said "We still have an hour for boarding I guess."

As they slowly made their way to the cheaper of the two coffee shops, Ashvin noticed that the stranger for the day had a cheerful vibe about him expect for his obvious issues with marriage. In comparison, his own thoughts had left him feeling a little dull. They reached the coffee shop, where a bright young girl wearing a green cap offered to take their orders. Her lapel read Cindi. Ashvin started to wonder; Are all girls with names ending with an 'i' so enthusiastic? Consciously deciding to continue that line of thought later, he asked for an Expresso; while Aditya was squinting hard, almost in a childish manner, at the Menu unable to decide. He finally decided on a hot chocolate with extra cream and sugar. Cindi had a short pony-tail which bounced about as she scurried away to fetch the orders.

They sat down on a table nearby. A few thoughtful moments were observed in silence while savoring the hot beverage. It was Aditya who broke the comfortable lull.

"So what takes you home, this time of the year?"

It was quite a harmless and simple question. There seemed to be many, many ways in which Ashvin could answer it, but none seemed right. Even if they were right, at the very least they would have ended up making the mood quite grim. So carefully dodging the topic, he vaguely said "You know... sometimes you think you did extremely well in an exam. You end up bragging about it to everyone and finally when the results come out, you come to know that things ended up going horribly wrong. You wish that everyone could just forget what you had told them but to your misfortune every single person seems to remember and make it a point to ask you about the results. No matter how many very 'genuine' excuses you might come up with to hide your shame, all you can picture is their disapproval." He just smiled wanly as he once again drifted into his earlier thoughts.

Aditya, who by now had forgotten his question, gulped his hot chocolate and started laughing wildly. "Yeah man! I have so been there..." The rest of the conversation was lost upon Ashvin who was now completely immersed in his own hopes and fears until; "Check out that babe! Your 3 o'clock, quick!"

"Okay!" Slightly surprised by the sudden change in direction he thought: This is probably just another 'despo' who doesn't like a serious commitment, hence the aversion for marriage. 

"Oh man! Doesn't she look incredible in that dress!?" Aditya exclaimed quite comically and suddenly seemed to remember something disturbing as he said "Argh...! I am going to loose my freedom soon. I love this independent, unfettered, single life where I live the way I want to, do what I want to and go where I want to not worrying about mundane responsibilities. In one go, all my happiness is probably going to be sucked away and what will be left behind would be another typical 'settled' Indian. Don't you think so?"

"Hmm, don't you want to settle down?"

Aditya took a moment before answering "Well I don't mind settling down sometime in the future, but I want to enjoy this freedom I have now. Why should I give up on that just because my parents think that I need to get married before a certain age? "

"You want the cake, cream, cherry and eat it too."

"Ah, that may be so. But, do you truly see meaning in living a life you dislike just so that you conform to the rest of the world?"

Ashvin again drifted back into his thoughts while Aditya surveyed the people around him. Suddenly the airport seemed to be bustling with renewed activity. Satisfied that there was nothing interesting happening, his attention reverted first to his hot chocolate and then to his troubled companion. This guy surely has some problem, but isn't willing to speak to a stranger about it.

Ashvin finally broke his pensive silence and said at length, "You cannot forever shirk away responsibilities. Besides, I don't think you have completely looked into the positive side of marriage. I have been in love for a long time now and I want to share the rest of my life with her. There is so much joy in sharing. You just have to experience it; you would surely understand why it is such a rich experience that compared to it, the freedom in being single and life without responsibilities doesn't really matter."

Taking a long sip, Aditya said "So I take it that you are going to marry this person very soon."

A deep frown etched Ashvin's face now. Damn! With a slow and deliberate voice, he said "I was afraid this conversation was going to go gloomy sooner or later. I don't know why I am even talking to you about all this."

"For a person who likes the concept of marriage, I thought you would have liked to change my opinion with some 'new' convincing argument." For just a fraction of a second a sarcastic smile appeared on Aditya's face. "I'm sorry, let's leave it if it troubles you so much."

Ashvin did not seem to notice the sarcasm, "I am clear about what I want in my life, but I can't say the same about her. We have been in a relationship for a few years. Now when I suggest that we marry, she seems to have become enlightened about all the practical problems that would ensue. Suddenly, it's not worth all the trouble she would have to go through to be with me. I have seen people talk about love lightly, but I didn't imagine that I would be at the receiving end."

"Hmm... that sounds bad. Wouldn't such a situation make one loose their faith in things like love and marriage?"

"No! I believe I met the wrong person and it took me too long to realize that. I still think that marriage is a necessary and rich experience everyone must go through."

Aditya took a moment observing the person across the table. "Don't you think that if you had not met this person, you would not have been in this situation?

Ashvin took a sip and seemed to stare into the distance as he said "Thinking like that would undermine all the happy times."

"Maybe... Maybe not. Is the rise worth the fall?"

"Let me ask you something Aditya, do you like living alone?"

"No way man! Who does?"

Ashvin was visibly relieved by that reply; nodding as he said, "So you do accept that you don't want to end up alone. So it seems that you accept that you do need company of some form. Eventually marriage is the one thing that will save you from a lonely life."

"I agree with you completely on that. But, it would be true only if you find the right person to share it with. So it is just a statistical probability that I will find happiness with the girl my parents suggest."

That seemed to amuse Ashvin. He said, "That's quite a scientific way of looking at it. Look at my own experience; many times you might think you know a person very a well until things go wrong. If I think back and see, I believe we spent more time talking about some common interests but never really talked about what we expected from each other." Suddenly a pang of sadness flashed across his face as he trailed off, "I wish..."

For a few moments silence ensued, it was Aditya who finally said "I guess I must confess that you are right about many things. I agree that I don't want to live alone; it is true that be it a person you love or someone your parents choose, when the time really comes, things usually never work out as you imagine they would. But, nobody ever addresses the issue of why should one conform? Why should settling down be at the expense of a lot of freedom?"

"Why not think of it as a different sort of an adventure? It is a novel experience that you can never experience unmarried."

A smile spread across Aditya's face as he said, "I like that view. I have never really bothered myself too much with the details of most things in life. I have always taken things as they come. You may have a point there. But, by your very own argument, you should not be so troubled by one single person."

The last comment seemed to annoy Ashvin, "When you know that someone is the one for you, how can you not be troubled?"

"The one? What do you even mean by that? If a person doesn't want to fight to be with you, how can she be the one?"

Ashvin now was clearly angry, "How can you conclude that without even knowing the person? You don't..."

Aditya cut him off, "Hey! Chill out man! I don't mean to offend you. You seem like a person who thinks things through very well. Unlike me, you are a man with a plan. But, how can you let one person dictate your life and hold you back from enjoying it?"

Ashvin was dumbstruck by that. He tried to take a sip from his cup only to realize that it was already empty. When Aditya saw that and started laughing, he managed a sheepish grin. This guy actually makes sense. I had written him off to be just scared of commitment, but that may not be the case. After a few moments, he finally said "You are right. Though I hate to admit it.... you are right. Maybe I let a single person dictate my life for too long."

With a big grin, Aditya said "Now we are talking!" In a more sober tone he said, "I must confess that as you have rightly pointed out, I have been biased about marriage. Maybe it is going to be quite an interesting adventure, maybe losing some of the freedom and accepting some responsibilities instead isn't as bad as I made it out to be. Who knows, I might even end up with a girl as crazy as me." With a big grin he added, "Hey! Lot many more fish in the sea. I'm sure you can find another one without any difficulty."

With a mischievous smile, Ashvin said "Like the hottie at your 7 o'clock?"

Like a bullet, Aditya whipped his head around to find an old woman, probably in her sixties, asleep with her mouth wide open and an open book on her lap. He burst out laughing, "And here I was thinking that you just didn't have a sense of humour!"

Ashvin joined his wild laughter, again drawing the attention of a few people nearby. One of them seemed to have been busy with her thoughts now looked very startled. He saw his watch and realized that it was about time for boarding the flight. Aditya seemed to notice too. Wordlessly they got up and started walking towards the gate.

Much to his own surprise, Ashvin blurted "It was nice to meet you Aditya and thanks a lot."

"It was nice to meet you too, but what is the thanks for?" A curious smile spread across his face.

"For pointing out the babe at my 3 o'clock, I think she was checking me out."

"For a moment I thought you were thanking me for changing your perspective on marriage" jibed Aditya.

"Yeah, you wish..." At that both of them burst out laughing.

As the humdrum of the airport muffled out their voices; "So, Ashvin, you never told me what is it that you do for a living besides convincing people about the positive side of marriage....."

Cindi came out of the shop to clear the table wondering why the only customers that morning were laughing vividly. Finding no answers in the empty cups, she threw them in to recycle. It was time for a break from what had been a slow, long morning. Her ponytail bouncing about as she scurried off to grab a bite to eat.

Thank you Vidyasagar, for helping me with the story.

The 'face' I fear

I have not always been uncomfortable with the idea of online social networking. It is a great way to keep in touch with people, an easy way to keep each other updated of what's going on their lives. I remember orkut from my first year of engineering and it was all fun to add people from school as friends, send meaningless 'hey, how are you scraps' and compare who had a higher number of scraps and testimonials. It was all in good humour. When the website was blocked in BITS, my enthusiasm to be active on it went away along with it. All the silly antics on orkut was confined to holidays. Though on the surface it looked harmless and fun, there were obvious signs of people stalking others online. The terrible privacy settings coupled with easy access made things worse. But then again, orkut is an old story. Since then, online social networking had a face-lift, pun intended. The interface facebook has is so good that it didn't take too long for (almost) everyone to get on it. I think over the past few years, facebook has been constantly trying hard to improve privacy settings and make them easy enough for people to actually use them. In a way, they probably have been able to dissuade users from stalking profiles online.  

Personally I have two major fears when it comes to social networking websites:

The first and the lesser of the two is about the personal information overload on facebook. A lot of people either due to poor privacy setting or out of their own free will put up a lot of information about themselves and their lives. It's a given that if someone puts something on the internet, its there for everyone to read it. But, it is also the fuel needed by stalkers. Let us set aside stalkers for a moment, does one really need to know so much about someone with a few simple clicks. There is an information overload online, about people who you don't know and probably will never know in person. I am certain everyone has been in situations where they might feel much better off not knowing something someone did or said or felt. The information overload pretty much blurs the lines of what is private and what is not. A friend once said that 'this is the future of social interaction, you need to accept and adapt to it'. I concede this probably is the future of social interactions, where people rely on quick online profile checks to know more about a person than talk to them, where everyone has a 1000 friends online, where quick online updates reduce the effort to keep in touch with everyone in person. I do not want to debate about the future. In the present, there is a definite information overload, where the line that divides whats private and what's not is very blur.

The second and the more serious issue is about the bloated sense of self importance and recognition. The ease with which many facebook users tend to update others with every thought, intelligent or otherwise, that crosses their minds is rather interesting. Consider a situation where you are either witnessing or part of something that interests you; have you had the urge or even the slightest inclination to update others about your whereabouts? Have you had the urge to quickly upload a photo or update your status message to let everyone else know about it? I am fairly certain almost everyone would have felt like doing so at some point of time or the other. Is it because everyone want's others to know how interesting or important their life is? There definitely is a strong desire to be recognized, revered and remembered in everyone. Social networks give an easy platform to achieve this like nothing else could. Now, every moment of one's life can be recorded; 'immortalized' in some sense. Knowing that your thoughts and memories are recorded somewhere, available for everyone to read gives a pseudo sense of recognition; a feeling of importance. Every like and every comment, however serious or casual they may be, is the pat on the back everyone looks for. Now that all your thoughts and memories are saved online, the unspoken hope is that there is a good chance they that will be remembered. Recognize, revere, remember; agreed social networking probably is the boon for the socially inept, but it definitely has gone dangerously beyond just enabling the socially inept. It has enabled people in general to draw a sense of self importance, sometimes bordering narcissism, through vicarious means. In the whole process, the importance of one's thoughts and feelings are lost. Instead of enjoying the moment, sometimes people are stuck in the pleasure they would vicariously derive when everyone on their friends list come to know about what an amazing time they had. 

If the line between what is personal and what is public becomes blurred, and if the sense of recognition and a sense of importance of one's thoughts and feelings are derived vicariously from social networking sites; would there be any more value for the very things that we want to be recognized, revered and remembered for?

Ode To My Friend

My dear friend, this is an ode to you.
All the times we shared, all the fun we had
Through the years, both good and bad
Through the moments, both happy and sad.
You never failed to make me smile with your wit,
You never failed to surprise me with your intellect.
I have the utmost love and respect for you.
It saddens me to lose a friend so true.
There is no logic, there is no reason,
There is no rationale to this morbid season.
There is nothing to fill the void
That you have left behind in this world.
Thank you for being such a good friend.
Though our time together has come to an end,
I will cherish all these memories of you.
My dear friend, this is an ode to you.


In memory of Sampath Srinivas. My dear silent friend, you will be missed. I hope you now rest in a better place.

Happiness

Consider the simple quantum mechanical problem of a particle trapped within a box. The walls have infinite potential, which prevents tunneling. Now the ground state of solution (for the wave-function of the particle) is a simple sine function.

Psi(x)=sqrt(2/L)*sin(n*pi*x/L); where Psi is the wave-function of the particle, L is the length of the one-dimensional box and various values of n gives various solutions.

The energy of the particle is proportional to n².

In a slightly similar line, if one imagines that our minds too are like a particle in a box. The wave-function represents the state of mind and n is the anxiety_level. The length of the box represents how 'broad minded' we are. One may argue that their box does not have an infinite potential hence their minds can tunnel the barriers i.e. think outside the box. But, for simplicity lets just say that such people have large boxes. So the state of mind or the state of happiness/sadness can be thought of as a simple sine function. But, a sine function of what? The only variable common to all human beings is time. So the state of happiness is a sine function in time. The amplitude of this sine function can be simply viewed as the expectations one has from life (represented as < life > ). Using these arguments, the state of mind can be written as:

Happiness (time) = < life >  * sin(anxiety_level*time)

This can simply be interpreted as:

1) Happiness is a well behaved periodic function in time.

2) Greater is the expectations in life or more the anxiety in one's life; greater are the emotional oscillations between happiness and sadness.

3) Energy/stress on one's mind increases with increasing anxiety_level or expectations in life.

4) Happiness itself cannot be measured directly, but the probability of a state of happiness can be measured.

5) The ground state everyone wants to asymptotically reach (a state of pure happiness) is only possible when one is 'broad minded' with low anxiety_level and has minimal expectations from life.

Painted Face

Sleep sets in swift, as I drift

Into a world serene; where my heart is free...

Afloat a tranquil stream

Thoughts, I’m bereft of thee.

The mist unveils a face, not unfamiliar.

Her eyes; an oasis in the sun.

Her breath; evanescent white silk.

Her laughter; an evening bird song.

Her voice; a soft benevolent breeze.

In darkness, she is my moon.

When lead astray, she is the stars that guide.

In dispair, she is an ocean of hope.

Her gentle hands cup the embers of life;

A shield through storm and haze.

It is time, she breathes in my ear,

As she melds into the mist and dew.

For the love she sings, my heart will yearn.

For the peace she brings, my soul will yearn.

Wish may I remain asleep forever,

Lest her painted face from my memory disappear.

Hitch Web 2.0

Basic principles:
No woman wakes up saying: "God, I hope I don't get a tweet today."
Now, she might say, "This is a really bad time for texting me."
Or something like, "I just need some time with myspace."
Or my personal favorite: "I'm really not into orkuting right now."
You believe that? Neither does she. You know why?
Because she's lying to you, that's why.
You understand me? Lying.

It's not a bad time to text her.
She doesn't need myspace.
She may not be into orkut anymore...
but what she's really saying is, "Get away from my friends list right now."
Or possibly, "Try harder, stupid."
Well, which one is it? 60 % of all human communication is nonverbal (Its textual).
30% is your emoticons.
So that means that 90% of what you're saying...ain't coming out of your mouth.

Of course she'll lie to you.
She's a nice person, she doesn't wanna hurt your feelings.
What else is she gonna say? She doesn't even know you.
Yet.
Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us...
even a woman with a beautiful profile doesn't know what she wants until she sees it.
And that's where I come in.

My job is to open her new social networking accounts.
Basic principles: No matter what,
no matter when, no matter who...
any man has a chance to tweet any woman off her virtual feet.
Just needs the right social networking profile.
You can always use what you do not have.
So if you're shy, be bold.If you're a loser, be popular.
She may not want the whole truth, and she does not want the real you.

If you don't think your profile pics are really you.
Remember that, "you" is a very fluid concept right now.
You 'make' the pics.
You look great in the pics.
That's the ‘you’ I'm talking about.
The key tonight is to stalk her on the internet.
Give her plenty of messages on myspace.

If she lingers at a status update, move on.
But maintain the visual.
Ask her what she thought about your profile...what was her favorite photograph, why that one.
And when she answers, don't be looking at her picture keep PMing.
Don't be wondering, what she looks like naked. Just ask her for a picture.
Read what she types and respond. Read and respond.
That way, when it's your turn to type...you'll have something better to say than;"I like your profile picture."
And all of a sudden, we're on day number two of internet stalking.

One moment, you're enjoying your life.
And the next, you're wondering how you ever lived without them.
Three days is all I need.
Three days, and I'll get you here, to the high-stakes medal round...
where eight out of ten women believe that the first video chat...
will tell them everything they need to know about you and the relationship.
After that, you're on your own. But always remember...
life is not the amount of tweets you make.
It's the tweets that take your breath away.

based on the script from the movie Hitch

Goodbye (Let’s Never Meet Again)

Saying that this would be the last time
Holding back the tears as I walked away

Wishing she would break the cold silence

Wishing she would hold my arm and tell me to stay.

I know that the pain is not all mine

She must be hurting deep inside

But no matter what, the truth remains the same…

All the times we spent together won’t come back again

All these memories that we share will soon fade away

As we bid goodbye

I wish you luck, I wish that you fare well in life

And fall in love with someone… again.

The days, when we walked together in the sun

Dreaming of the good times to come.

But now… all I’m left with are these tears…

All the times we spent together won’t come back again

All these memories that we share will soon fade away

As we bid goodbye

I wish you luck, I wish that you fare well in life

And fall in love with someone…

Even if you regret the choices that you’ve made

Though in my heart, I have many things left unsaid

Don’t you ever shed a single tear for me again

This foolish love for you will soon fade away

As we big goodbye

I wish you luck, I wish that you fare well in life

And fall in love with someone… find happiness again

Goodbye… let’s never meet… again.

The Game

Goooooaaaaal!
The most played game in the world consists of various cliques. The major one's being - players, managers, substitutes, suspended (referred from here on as benched), noobs and last but not the least, audience.

Players - They are the ones to look up to. Have high ball possession, score goals, perform all sorts of maneuvers and definitely have style when it comes to celebrating their victories. These are the ones who know the game in and out, the pros!

Managers - Erstwhile or wannabe players who have made a career/hobby out of advising others on how to play. They always pretend to know and understand more about the game than they would admit. They especially enjoy taunting and pouring endless advice on noobs.

Substitutes - They are players with lesser talent or poor luck. The position they eye for is always occupied. They are the ones who replace a tired or injured player. Given a lucky break they may outshine the other players.

Benched - Players (or noobs) who resort to cheap tricks and unfair tactics for possession even after repeated warning get benched. They have their devious ways until they are caught red handed. They are the players who probably would do anything for a victory.

Noobs - Have you seen the guy who just runs around without having any possession? The guy who is most likely to tackle himself or shoot an own goal. The guy who is clueless, clumsy and still trying to have fun. The guy who can end up on the winning side doing everything wrong and on the losing side trying everything right. He's the noob.

Audience - They are the veterans. Erstwhile players (occasionally noobs and substitutes, and even more occasionally the benched) who now enjoy watching the game. Their entertainment may in some rare cases be interrupted and they may be forced to play the game again.

Now there are yet another set of people - Oldies, who don't play nor follow the game any more. The have had their share of entertainment playing and watching the game in their prime.

Now if you thought all this while I was describing the world's best game - football (not american football obviously!) you belong to the last set of people - the chilled out lot (who have no clue what this post is about).
For the rest, I'm sure you figured out that this is neither an innocent post nor does it have anything to do with a goal post! :)

Anesthetized Lips

Blue skies turning grey
The sun’s long gone…
Snow is on the ground,
Winter’s come…

Trapped within her cage
Hidden from the world
A free bird in isolation
Wings growing cold.

Her anesthetized lips,
Have been numb for a while.
How can she sing?
When she can’t even smile.

In silence she waits,
Holding on to her belief;
The dark hour shall pass,
And truth will set her free.

Grey skies turning blue,
The snow long gone…
She can hear her song,
Spring’s come…

Classical Guy vs. Quantum Girl

Guys are classical mechanical systems and Girls are quantum mechanical systems.

Guys:

1) Unless under the influence of other external pressures and stresses, a given force has only one reaction i.e. guys generally are deterministic systems.

2) Resistance and friction are forces that just try to return guys to their original state of inertia i.e rest. It has been termed as laziness by girls. Corollary: A guys state of mind at rest continues to be at rest unless and until acted upon by an external force.

3) In the presence of girls, guys can boil, melt, freeze or vaporize. In the presence of their fields of force guys can be malleable, ductile or brittle.

4) Guys show stochastic behavior, turbulence, hysteresis, lattice defects, coherence, entanglement, tunneling etc and other anomalous or non-classical phenomena only when under the influence of strong fields of force produced by girls.

5) With guys, only the statistical average of various micro-states (events, forces, thoughts or actions) show more complex dynamics but each individual micro-state can be represented as as 0-1, yes-no or true-false i.e. binary logic.

Girls:

1) Girls exhibit uncertainty. The thoughts and actions of a girl can never be simultaneously predicted i.e. measurement or prediction of one alters the other. Corollary: Girls can never do nothing i.e. due to Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, no thoughts implies infinite actions and vice versa.

2) Girls show transient growth i.e. sometimes in the presence of opposing forces, their amplitude grows with time instead of decaying. Guys view this phenomena as girls being adamant to have their way.

3) Girls exhibit quantum coherence. Each thought or action is the resultant of superposition of many causal (related through cause and effect) or non-causal (unrelated) thoughts or actions from the past, present and at times future i.e. each thought or action is the resultant of putting together many related and unrelated thoughts or actions.

4) Girls exhibit quantum entanglement. The effect of any change in the state (of a person, object, event or thought) occurring anywhere in space (and sometimes even in the future) is immediately detected and brings about a change in the girl. Commonly referred to it as a girl's intuition, girls sometimes just know certain things.

5) With girls, every micro-state (events, forces, thoughts or actions) is a probability density function i.e. nothing is binary logic. Due to uncertainty of thoughts and actions, only probability density of each micro-state can be calculated, hence no statistical averages can be computed. But, if the micro-states are allowed to evolve over time, guys can observe beautiful patterns, fractals, symmetries and ordered chaos.

FAQ:

Q: Would learning quantum mechanics help in more accurate calculation of probability densities?

A: Not Really!

     In quantum mechanics either the operators (forces) that act upon a state or the effects are know, so the unknown quantity can be calculated. But with girls the operators are always unknown before they act upon anything and finding them out after they have had their effect would be too late (the quantum girl paradox)!

Latent Smile

Evanescent rain weightlessly drifting,

Impalpable push of a benign breeze.

The warmth of shimmering skies

Rekindle the shriveling embers within.

The changing colours of the skies,

A lucid reflection in your eyes.

Life bereft of its mundane throes;

Every passing thought silently echoes.

Aging leaves float across the street,

Like sailing ships in tranquil seas.

Into the depths of the night;

Forever lost amongst the stars.

Shining dust and their mysteries untold,

As you join the dots the stories unfold.

Listening to their tales in wonder,

Resting your head on my shoulder.

Slowly cede to your heavy eyes,

And lapse into a gentle sleep.

Your pensive face melts away,

To leave behind a latent smile.

Smoke Stacks

A tainted window, a solemn door.

Dull monochrome, a place so old

Faded pulchritude, of forgotten times.

Dingy light, ash on the floor.

Another dusty soul, growing cold

In indolence, in blissful ignorance.

A dusky sky, bereft of light.

Of invisible stars, many stories told

Of a lonely sun, in decadent times.

In the future, light shining bright.

Fake hopes, progress foretold

Of changing ways, in changing times!

A million smoke stacks in sight.

Their morbid clouds corrode

A lonely existence, its last chance...

The Change Monger

    At the end of every year, three simple questions, at times inadvertently, cross our minds; 'What was good about the previous year, what was bad about it and what do I hope for from the new year.' The answers to these questions provide a lucid picture of the year that's gone by and paint an image of hope for the one ahead. Although it's just another day marking the end of a year on the calendar, it definitely is an important checkpoint. It is, sometimes against our will, a time for some pensive reflection about how things have been and how they might be from now on. 
     Making and breaking new year resolutions might sound like a cliché, but they most often represent a wish for change. A change in the way things have been. Invariably, the answer to the three questions revolve around, either directly or as as indirect consequence of the good and bad changes of the year bygone.
     Is change something that everyone wants? There definitely is significant inertia within us which wards off change. There is something cozy about a routine; quite possibly due to a feeling that in a routine, future is deterministic. Yet at the same time, there is a part within that cribs at the colourless monotony. So should one wish for only good changes to keep the routine cozy enough while making each day interesting in its own way? Paradoxically, bad changes are the ones that provide the right contrast for making other changes look good. One can only describe every other day as better than the worst or worse than the best. So a wish for only good changes loses its meaning in this context.
     Change always makes life interesting or troublesome depending on the way one may view it. But, having no changes certainly makes life less and less interesting. In a way, the answer to the three questions is quite simply: changes. One cherishes the good changes, learns from the consequences of bad changes and hopes for interesting changes in the future.